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In my experience, friends appreciate hearing directly from friends rather than learning sensitive information from others.

If she is not a close friend then you do not need to discuss your dating plans with her. Third, how upset is your friend about the break-up?

This young lady knew how devastated my daughter was with the breakup.

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G., I am a 17-year-old girl and I'm going into my senior year of high school. My friend broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months about a month ago. Now that I'm working with this boy-maybe we can call him Jim-I'm starting to like him. He asked me to go to a movie this past weekend but I said no because I was so nervous and confused about what to do. There are no clear social rules about this but we can try to tease things apart and discuss some unwritten social rules and etiquette. After a month has passed I believe that you can consider dating him. If she is a close friend then I would suggest that you talk to her and let her know that you are considering dating her ex-boyfriend.

Maybe other girls wouldn't think it's a dilemma but to me it is. She didn't talk about it much but she seemed upset when it happened. I would like to go on a date with Jim but I don't want to upset my friend and I don't want other girls to get mad at me. I asked my mother and she said that I should write to you. There is, of course, no simple answer to your question about when and whether or not it is socially acceptable to date a friend's ex. If your friend and this young man broke up within the past week or so then I would suggest that it is too soon to start dating her ex-boyfriend. Second, how close a friendship do you have with this young woman?

It’s important to verify with 100 percent, iron-clad certainty that both parties are not together, and are completely over the former relationship.

Also, it’s essential to acknowledge that regardless if the potential new relationship ends up being a hookup or a full-on dating thing, it’s going to be weird, because there’s no getting around you both know each other.

It seems to me that she doesn't want to make herself any more vulnerable to someone who has displayed little concern about her feelings. When she feels stronger you can suggest that she either talk to her friend about her feelings or write her a letter.

I have worked with many teens in similar situations who have found it easier to write down their feelings than to talk about them. Keep on supporting your daughter and know that over time your daughter should feel better. For more articles like this see my website: response to the daughter's situation with her friend going to the school homecoming with her recent ex.

"It doesn’t matter which way round the genders are—it’s an act that does irreversible damage to a friendship." And again, as the friend of the person breaking up, you probably know too much already, and what you know is not good.

Once you've considered those factors, and hooking up with a friend’s ex is still somehow on the table, there are several things to understand before diving into a Kardashian-level web of potential friendship conflict.

When my son was young I explained the emotional maturing aspect to him when he was struggling in HS; he said it helped him get past the frustration.

Unless you were a musical theater major (like I was) and thus have no frame of reference for normal interpersonal boundaries outside of your social circle, you likely have some level of hesitation about hooking up with a friend’s ex.

Be prepared to let the ex-hookup fantasy fade away in order to maintain the friendship. Depending on who you are and where you live, hooking up with a friend’s ex may not be that big of a deal.

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