Dating an acoa

We originally argued about my jealousy when he shut-down.

dating an acoa-39

Dating an acoa

They were great parents who simply didn’t know the skills to encourage emotional attachment meaning that I have no idea what I feel and when I do feel things I do what I do best.

I read, try to solve things, understand things, my quest to find the magic answer, and, assess risk. My therapist has asked me to do something really odd con, considering I’m 43.

Our present – we really, really fit and we can check off all of the boxes of what makes a good relationship – we just need to learn how to communicate better – and we need to deal with our pasts and stop being afraid. It’s hard when I swing from hopeful to hopeless, but that’s another post.

Posted in ACOA, As Sally Sees It, Communication, My issues, PTSD, Uncategorized and tagged acoa, broken-up, dealing with jealousy, jealousy issues, on a break, ptsd, relationship issues, trust issues | Leave a comment I’ve been pretty crap at updating this blog…mostly because I can’t seem to organize my thoughts. Today at therapy my therapist “A” has discovered something about me that a psychic once told me.

I had a four year relationship with who I thought was a good man, who was all about family and I trusted him.

We bought a house together and two months in I found out our relationship was a lie.

During this time when I should be grieving I am super-sleuthing to push down those feelings, to intellectualize, instead of actually feeling. I even, honestly and ridiculously, carry a book with me to work, in my car and not any book, but books, that when I start to feel panicky about my relationship, I can re-read passages to understand what ACOA PTSD is again – to make sure my doubt and my own insecurities don’t get in the way. Stop reading and get tape, scizzors, glue, magazines, and bristol board.

Cut and paste how I feel right now using images and text and another one of how I’d like to feel. I’m also supposed to download the EMDR stuff to do at home from i Tunes called, Calm & Confident by Mark Grant and read a book (over Christmas – not till then) called Becoming Your Own Parent, Dennis Wholey.

I just needed him to be compassionate and answer any of my questions and hold me and tell me he loves me.

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